Don’t Take It Personally

“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
–Elbert Hubbard, author

In Issue #171

Editor’s Note: Today’s essay comes from Karen Martiny. Karen and I (along with more than a million other people) have been sharing Monday evenings together in the world’s largest online class. In this essay, Karen discusses one of the many takeaways she’s gained from the class.

Don’t Take It Personally
by Karen Martiny

How many times has someone told you, “Don’t take it personally?”  If you’re like me, you’ve probably heard it more than you’d care to – usually from a well-meaning friend, family member, or co-worker.  I’m talking about the big “C” word here:  CRITICISM.

As defined in the American Heritage Dictionary, criticism is “the act of making a judgment or evaluation.”  Now that doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

I used to take a lot of things personally.  If someone criticized something I’d done, said, or written, I’d feel embarrassed… indignant…and then I’d beat myself up mentally about whatever I’d done “wrong.”  As I’ve gained more life experience, I’ve noticed that many things don’t bother me as much as they used to – including constructive criticism.

Take copywriting, for example.  As copywriters, we can open ourselves up to criticism… even learn to welcome it…if we look at it in a new light.

Here’s the thing – by being too attached to what you write, you open the door for all sorts of emotions to surface if someone criticizes your work.  When you get right down to it, you’ve written words on paper – nothing more, nothing less.  Your thoughts and emotions create the words you write, but they’re not who you are as a person.

If someone evaluates your work and offers suggestions for improvement, it doesn’t mean you’re lacking skill as a writer. So get your ego out of the way… take a step back from what you’ve created. 

Does that  make any sense?  Let me explain…

Like Krista, I’ve been reading A New Earth, the fascinating new book by Eckhart Tolle.  I’m discovering just how much “ego” runs my life on a daily basis – and how it relates to my copywriting.  It’s ego that tells us we’re right and others are wrong…that others should appreciate our hard work… that they just don’t understand – right?

Our ego can be our worst enemy if we let it take over.  Whenever I realize my ego is getting puffed up about being “right,” I try to let it go.  The key here is realizing it’s my ego talking.  Once I get to that point, I can observe my thoughts from a new perspective.  Even if I disagree with another’s viewpoint, I’m able to accept it and move on.  If I stay stuck in my ego, nothing happens – literally.  Only when I get unstuck am I able to restart the creative flow.

For example, when I submit an assignment to a client, I always hope I’ve produced winning copy.  But if the client asks me to revise, rearrange, or rewrite the copy – that’s fine, too.  I try to appreciate suggestions for improvements – really.  It’s all part of the collaborative and creative process involved in working with others.

I also enjoy getting feedback from my copywriting colleagues.  Often they’ll see things I haven’t noticed… maybe a paragraph that could be better placed… or a headline that needs tweaking.  Usually the copy ends up being better and more effective – and that’s what the goal is, after all.

Thankfully we’re not in the Stone Age anymore…our writing isn’t inscribed on stone tablets for all eternity.  All we have to do is tap a few keys on our keyboard to revise what we’ve written, and presto!  A new version rolls out of our printer.

So – when someone offers suggestions to improve your copy – remind yourself, “Don’t take it personally.”

In fact, I think I’ll take this approach towards life in general – who says we can’t rewrite ourselves?  Now there’s an idea for my next essay…

Resource Referral: Truly Be Your Own Boss

Freelancing isn’t the only way to earn a living as a copywriter. You can also write for your own publishing business. That’s what I’m doing more and more of, and Karen Martiny is doing it too.

If you are also excited by the idea of having your own business, you should pick up: Self Publishing: Your Complete Business Plan for Creating a Life Without Borders. It will give you a step-by-step plan for getting your publishing business going… full or part-time… right away:

Self-publishing is one way you can make sure you get to learn and write about things that you are passionate about. When you’re writing about things that excite you, work seldom feels like work.  Check it out and see if it’s for you.

Reader Feedback: 50 Is Young!

Got this note from my e-mail buddy Mike last week. Thought you might enjoy it…I certainly did! 

“Good article about aging in this issue. I saw the same program you saw. As I watched it, I thought about the fact that I almost NEVER think of myself in terms of my age. I’m 50, but I don’t relate to that number. Whenever I use it, I always feel like I’m talking about someone else…some OLD GUY! And yet, if this really is the first generation that can have real expectations of living to 100 or more (and I believe we are…high cost of good health care aside), it should be OK for me to think of myself as 50 because 50 is, after all, young.

With this in mind, I’ve really been thinking that as a society we need to start thinking very differently about everything associated with careers…when they start, when they’re supposed to end…how much we’re supposed to "have" when we call it all off and go play golf. We have to start rethinking marriage, too…there are no cards on the shelves right now for 80th Wedding Anniversaries, but there will be…Then again, maybe the institution based on getting married early in one’s child bearing years will have to shift…In short, there are a host of policy and institutional changes afoot, based on the fact that our life spans–and our activity levels–are changing. I even read recently about how brain cells DO regrow, so it’s very possible, even likely, that we’ll all start to think differently about strokes and other so-called degenerative brain conditions the way we have come to think about cancer.

Uh oh, this is getting long. Sorry…I promised I’d keep it short. Suffice it to say, I agree with you, we have to stop thinking of ourselves as being PAST certain opportunities in life. That kind of thinking will wind us up with an awful lot of empty time on our hands come 80, 90 and 100!”

Mike Jordan-Reilly
Jordan-Reilly Associates