The Etiquette of Relationship Marketing

“Connecting is a philosophy of life – its guiding principle is that every person you meet is an opportunity to help and be helped. No one gets ahead in this world without a lot of help.”
–Keith Ferrazzi, author of “Never Eat Alone” and Master Networker

In This Issue:

The Etiquette of Relationship Marketing
by Monica Day

I got one of those out-of-the-blue phone calls the other day. It was from a fellow copywriter I had worked with quite a bit a few years ago. We tried a copywriting project together…I hired her as a contract writer and researcher a few times…and passed clients her way once or twice when I was overbooked or the assignment wasn’t the right fit for me. We had a nice relationship, easy rapport, and I felt that she would be a big success in her own right one day.

Then, as these things go sometimes, we lost touch. I became more focused on developing a specialty in finance, which wasn’t an interest of hers. She had a passion for romance writing, which isn’t an interest of mine. Our paths had less reason to cross…and neither of us made the effort to maintain consistent contact.

So it was nice to hear her voice on my machine. Until it became clear that her sole reason for calling was to tell me she was free for projects if I had any overflow. Since I didn’t, I wasn’t inclined to give her a timely call back. Though if she’d left a message just saying hello, and that she wanted to catch up with me, I might have been more inclined to return the call.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of networking. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with calling your contacts and letting them know you have a gap in your schedule. But this is the second time now I’ve had someone call me and ask for work in a way that didn’t produce the results they wanted. Let me explain why…

I have based my entire business around developing and maintaining relationships with people in the industry. It is the basis of my entire marketing strategy. Some call it word-of-mouth…I call it relationship marketing. Maintaining consistent contact with people in our industry – whether I’m available for work or not – results in a steady flow of projects, for which I am grateful.

In order to do this successfully, you must build real relationships with the people in your rolodex – not simply reach out to them when you need something. At least once a week I touch base with a contact just to say hello. Or to pass along an article that I think they might enjoy. Or simply ask how things are going in their world.

Keeping up the flow of communications on an ongoing basis – even if it’s just a couple times a year – makes people more likely to think of you when a project comes up. And it does something even more important. By establishing a real relationship with someone – rather than a shallow, one-sided connection where you call when you need something – you dramatically increase the value of every single contact you make.

I’ve told the story many times about how Krista and I met. It was the first night of an AWAI bootcamp in 2002 – the dreaded ‘networking dinner’ on the first night. I had seen her name in The Golden Thread and in other AWAI materials as a copywriting star on the rise and had wanted to meet her. While seated at the same table at dinner, I introduced myself, and we chatted the rest of the evening off and on. By the end of the night, we had covered not only copywriting topics, but we also discovered we shared a lot of core values, dreams for our future, and created grounds for a friendship that would develop over time.

I often refer to that today as a $100,000 conversation – and one day I expect to raise that number to $1 million or more as we grow our various business ideas together. But I didn’t have dollar signs in my eyes when we first met – and I don’t now. Rather I have respect for Krista as both a colleague, and a person. And it is based on that genuine connection between us that we have created opportunities for one another as individuals, and business opportunities together. Not to mention a friendship that I suspect will stand the test of time.

I’m not saying you’re going to have the same level of camaraderie and connection with everyone you meet in the industry. But I am saying that when you only reach out to people when you need something, it can have the opposite effect than the one you hoped for. It can make a person feel used. It can make you look desperate. And more important, it usually isn’t effective. People rarely have work sitting on their desk at the exact moment we call and ask for it.

But if you maintain regular contact, stay on a person’s radar – and build a genuine relationship with them – the work will flow your way naturally. And so will the good vibes that come with any well-tended relationship.

Resource Referral: The $100,000 Introduction

When you become successful at networking, you’ll know it immediately. It will be reflected in your bottom line. In your email and phone calls. And in the overall success of your business.

You’ll find:

If you want to know how to raise the bar on your networking efforts, Ilise Benun is the woman to show you how to do it. I had the honor of co-presenting a workshop with Ilise at the 2005 AWAI Copywriting Bootcamp. I learned a lot from working with her, and I think you will, too. Check out her course, Effective Networking: The Fastest Way to Win Clients and Grow Your Business today and see for yourself. (You’ll even get a DVD of the presentation Ilise and I did together at bootcamp as a bonus!)

I also recommend you pick up a book called “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi. This book provided Ilise and I with a lot of the inspiration and case studies for our presentation – and Keith is definitely a master at building real relationships as a basis for his networking efforts.

Quick Copy Tip: Killer Handshakes

One of the main skills to perfect in your networking arsenal is the ability to deliver a firm handshake. Not a white-knuckled death grip. Just a reasonable squeeze – and maybe even a pump or two. And if you don’t believe me – and thousands of other articles on the subject – the University of Alabama even gathered the scientific evidence to back up the advice.

According to their 2004 study, people with limp handshakes are perceived as timid, passive and lacking in self-confidence. Worse, you can project a sense of distance and a "don’t touch me" attitude that is in direct conflict with your goal when you meet someone new.

But a firm handshake conveys a friendly, welcome attitude and tells the other person you are confident, interested in meeting them, and open to forming the new relationship. They also found that the person who extends their hand first has the ‘power’ in the setting – something to keep in mind if that’s also one of your goals when you’re meeting someone new.